fight for my right … to date?

by tinglyfeeling on May 2, 2009

It’s been a while since I’ve checked the tinglyfeeling.com e-mail account, but I finally got around to it today. Mostly it was notifications about blog comments and new Twitter followers. I haven’t gotten around to checking everyone out and returning the follows; that’s on my to-do list. It’s just sort of hard to do in TweetDeck for some reason. Or I’m too dumb to figure out an easy way to see all my followers.

Anyway! One new follower in particular, @disabilitydating, made me feel a little … I don’t know … icky? Weird? Mislabeled? Here’s a sample tweet:

disabilitydating

I know I’m blogging and tweeting as “a person living with Multiple Sclerosis,” or whatever, but I don’t think of myself as “disabled.” I’m just … me. And yes, I’m me + MS, but I really hope that people see that as a footnote to who I am and don’t define me as a “Girl With MS.” I do have a whole other identity in real life, as well as online, after all. That other identity has never been a fan of labels.

So I guess I was a little offended that they chose to follow me–and it sort of triggered my “Shut Up, I Can’t Hear You, NaNaNaNaNa” response. Because, while it may be true, I resent the implication that my having MS will make dating harder than it already is. It’s not like the thought hasn’t occurred to me, but I don’t like to be reminded of it either. I mean, come on. Give a single thirtysomething who has enough to worry about already a break.

I realize DisabilityDating is providing a very worthwhile service to disabled people looking for love. I hope it works out for them, really I do. And maybe it’s been successful for someone reading this blog (kudos, and please share your experience, in that case).

And who knows? Maybe I will need to use this site one day. I’m just not there yet. So, no offense to @disabilitydating, but I don’t think I’ll be returning the follow.

Oh, and I’m going out with some friends tonight and plan to rock this miniskirt (with tights, mind you–it’s raining again) and flirt with any eligibles.

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  • http://www.greenandchic.com/blog Carla

    The title alone “disability dating” sends chills up my spine. Though I use a cane when I’m out, I’m far from “disabled”. My guess is this site is for people who are wheelchair bound and/or have limited mobility.

    It also sends chills because that (being disabled) is my fear. Its not a dominate fear in my life with MS, but I would lying if I said I didnt ponder that every now and then.

  • http://www.greenandchic.com/blog Carla

    The title alone “disability dating” sends chills up my spine. Though I use a cane when I’m out, I’m far from “disabled”. My guess is this site is for people who are wheelchair bound and/or have limited mobility.

    It also sends chills because that (being disabled) is my fear. Its not a dominate fear in my life with MS, but I would lying if I said I didnt ponder that every now and then.

  • http://brassandivory.blogspot.com/ Lisa Emrich

    Hey, I noticed the same follow and even more which are focused on Disability services of one kind or another. Twitter is an interesting thing. I think that there are many folks who are just following lots of people to try to market to them. Very interesting to observe.

  • http://brassandivory.blogspot.com Lisa Emrich

    Hey, I noticed the same follow and even more which are focused on Disability services of one kind or another. Twitter is an interesting thing. I think that there are many folks who are just following lots of people to try to market to them. Very interesting to observe.

  • http://www.tinglyfeeling.com/ tinglyfeeling

    Carla — yeah, I felt the same chill. Your cane does not make you disabled. I don’t really know what does–it’s subjective, I guess. I suppose I could be considered by some to be disabled now, even though you can’t always *see* my physical disabilities. And I do sometimes wonder just how disabled I might be in the future. Then I shake the thought off and try to focus on how I am now, and I know I’m not ready to be labeled as disabled. Especially not by a dating site. ;-P

    Lisa — I started my @tinglyfeeling Twitter account because I wanted to connect with people like you and Carla. Real people living with and sharing information about MS.

    I manage two other Twitter accounts–one personal and one for a large retailer, and I’ve discovered that what people on Twitter value most is a human connection, even though you might not ever meet the person behind the @profile. As a user, I don’t appreciate being marketed to on Twitter and I know that most Twitter users resent blind follows by corporations and other people looking to make a buck off of a few easy impressions.

    I’m really glad that there are people like you on Twitter providing vital information about MS while also working to build a vibrant online community of MSers. So thanks. ;-)

  • http://www.tinglyfeeling.com/ tinglyfeeling

    Carla — yeah, I felt the same chill. Your cane does not make you disabled. I don’t really know what does–it’s subjective, I guess. I suppose I could be considered by some to be disabled now, even though you can’t always *see* my physical disabilities. And I do sometimes wonder just how disabled I might be in the future. Then I shake the thought off and try to focus on how I am now, and I know I’m not ready to be labeled as disabled. Especially not by a dating site. ;-P

    Lisa — I started my @tinglyfeeling Twitter account because I wanted to connect with people like you and Carla. Real people living with and sharing information about MS.

    I manage two other Twitter accounts–one personal and one for a large retailer, and I’ve discovered that what people on Twitter value most is a human connection, even though you might not ever meet the person behind the @profile. As a user, I don’t appreciate being marketed to on Twitter and I know that most Twitter users resent blind follows by corporations and other people looking to make a buck off of a few easy impressions.

    I’m really glad that there are people like you on Twitter providing vital information about MS while also working to build a vibrant online community of MSers. So thanks. ;-)

  • http://talesoflifewithmultiplesclerosis.blogspot.com/ Amelia

    Hiya,
    check by my blog, there’s an award for you!

    hugs
    Amelia XxXxX

  • http://talesoflifewithmultiplesclerosis.blogspot.com/ Amelia

    Hiya,
    check by my blog, there’s an award for you!

    hugs
    Amelia XxXxX

  • Eve

    Your positive attitude is encouraging to people like me who have just been diagnosed. THANK you – you give me hope. (and I have NO doubt you rocked that Mini! You GO girl. :)

  • Eve

    Your positive attitude is encouraging to people like me who have just been diagnosed. THANK you – you give me hope. (and I have NO doubt you rocked that Mini! You GO girl. :)

  • http://www.tinglyfeeling.com/ tinglyfeeling

    Eve! That’s so great to hear. Sometimes it’s hard to have a positive attitude, but as you’ll probably discover, this disease is a one-day-at-a-time deal. You can’t let it run your life–easier said than done, of course, but that’s why we’re here, talking about it.

    I hope you’re doing well. Thanks for reading.
    xoxo
    tinglyfeeling

  • http://www.tinglyfeeling.com/ tinglyfeeling

    Eve! That’s so great to hear. Sometimes it’s hard to have a positive attitude, but as you’ll probably discover, this disease is a one-day-at-a-time deal. You can’t let it run your life–easier said than done, of course, but that’s why we’re here, talking about it.

    I hope you’re doing well. Thanks for reading.
    xoxo
    tinglyfeeling

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